Minor Victories, Minor Failures

It's now three months after my birthday, and Lynn and I have finally scheduled a time for my birthday dinner.

This is pretty much my fault, October was a ridiculously busy month for me, and then, you know, way led on to way and suddenly it's January. It happens, especially to me.

That's why I decided something else during that New Year's Day conversation which spawned this blog - I'm going to spend more time with my friends in 2008. I seemed to have gotten Lost in Time and Space for a lot of 2007, and although projects got done... it got a little lonely, to be honest.

And yet, even after months of casual "We should do your birthday dinner sometime" (we do them for each other as an easier alternative to finding a present), I still wasn't committing to it. I don't know exactly why, but I guess it just wasn't a priority.

Even in 2008, this Year of Yes, I still almost didn't commit. Lynn wanted to schedule it for Saturday, and even though my calendar was clear for that day (pretty rare, to be honest), I hesitated... just in case something more important came up. That sounds really horrible of me, Lynn, and I apologize, but you know I'm a poor friend like that.

Fortunately, she called me out on my behavior and said 2008 is the Year of Saying Maybe to Free Dinners. So I said yes and marked it on my calendar. It's a victory, however minor.

But, as you can tell from the title, I also experienced a minor failure. It's important to include my failures in this blog, probably more so than the victories.

One of my co-workers told me that her friend (a theatrical lighting designer) needed someone to run lights for a few performances. A pretty easy job, I'd get to see a show for free, and it'd be an interesting experience.

I've worked with theatrical lighting before, so I know I could do it, but I hesitated and just never called her friend. In short, I said no.

Later on, I tried to figure out why. There are many reasons, most of them weak.

Part of it is laziness, which is a huge problem of mine (obviously - I can't even be bothered to get myself to a free dinner).

Part of it is the excuse that my calendar is always rough, and I "need" to keep it clear in case something more important comes up. I guess I'm expecting the Pope to suddenly stop by one night.

And part of it might be the stress and fear of messing up the job. Or just fear of new things.

I'm still not fully sure why.

The whole purpose of this blog is to stop acting like that and to take on new challenges I'd avoid out of fear and laziness, but here I am, still taking those same non-actions.

It'll be a long process. Minor victories, minor failures, you know.